If Only I’d Have Known: A Poem

If only I’d have known
that you weren’t just a
soundboard for my inner demons

But a hurricane of disaster
ready to set sail on the dark journey of my soul

If only I’d have known
that like a guitarist strums
his instrument, a master of his
craft sculpts his sculpture,
a hunter shoots his prey,
I was dealing with a master
of his craft.

He’d steam roll me in a flattened vocabulary of
“I love yous” and “Im sorrys”
he’d open my legs, smirk before diving in with the
full intent of making me drown. A flood of desire.

If only I’d have known that sunshine does in fact go away,
that the light of today
may not always come out tomorrow but instead is
replaced with your soul’s lonesome embrace

If only I’d have known that
when I fall I shan’t get up
because the hit hurts so much
more the second time and I know,
I know I should’ve known
the first time but I didn’t know,
no, didn’t realize,
when a monster announces he’s
descended that this is what you are.

You told me and I thought you were kidding.
I thought it was a joke, that you were a bloke,
but you said it the night I met you:
I am a monster and I see you came to play.

so now I know and I make my way to exit.

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